Skank Test

I have been tolerating my treatments as best as I can.  I am anemic but Dr. said there isn't anything they they can do about it.  Just means I will get tired all the time.  My shrink gave me anti psychotics to counter the need to punch babies and kick puppies.  It has helped  but they make me feel like a zombie.  W has been loving and attentive.  I try to let him know just how much it means to me.  I am impressed.  We did make our last therapy session but he has yet to give me a date for our next apt.

I have been trying to arrange a trip out of town for at least 3 weeks.  I asked him if he thought he could go for  at least a week.  Of course the answer was NO, he is really busy at work.  Makes me feel like if I was dying, he couldn't be bothered with silly stuff like death, he has other shit to do.  I asked him if he would consider an extended weekend. He said yes, but he is not so good at keeping his word.

Had to go to see my OB today.  Meds are causing weird shit with my body, instead of one week, its one period for 5 weeks.  Dr. said that could be why I am anemic.  I had to talk to her about my treatment.  I asked why they didn't test all pregnant women, she said laughed and said she uses the "Skank test".  If they look like a skank, she tests them.  But then she went on to tell me she has knows of several in her family who have had it, and they were far from skanks.  I just laugh because she knows this isn't easy for me but rather than pity, she makes me laugh.  Think I will use the skank test on others.  And you know if someone gets offended by that, they are a skank.

On a more serious note, she wanted to know why it had been 2 years since I had seen her.  I told her about W's affair, and my suspicions that it ended less than a year ago.  She asked me what blood tests I had for my virus.  She listed 3 she would add to the ones she was already running.  "Hello Mr. Anxiety".  When I first found out about the affair, I told him it was his responsible to get all the necessary tests.  I know he never did and we don't usually have sex, but it feels important.  Because of the treatment I have to do, I don't really think about sex.  Well,  not with him anyway (perfectly healthy to have fantasies).

Felt like I had just been bitch slapped.  I never expected that all his bullshit would still be effected  me almost 3 years later.  Sometimes I wonder if staying was really the right thing to do; or if I have been weak and too scared. 

It is a possibility that will all the anxiety, anti depressants and anti psychotics, I shouldn't go down this road.  I wish I knew someone in Colorado.  I am taking so many pills twice a day.  Let me explain i smoked pot during my teenage years.  It has worked better than any drug I have ever tried.  I wish my doctors would change their stance on the drug.  That, a hammock, the sun and beautiful beach is all I need (any offers; I'm a damn good cook)

I'm totally willing to take the skank test, spoiler alert.................I have it............ My Dr. tried to tell me she had family members who had been treated and been cured.  They were church goers, definitely not skanks.  But it was it was how she judges her patients.

I hung my hemp chair up but it took all day to find all the parts and then wash it.  It is so comfortable.  I have had it for 15 years, what a waste.  Think of all the beautiful sunsets and sun rises I wasted because I couldn't get around to putting it up.  The temp has dropped and a few of my fingers are numb.  Maybe tomorrow it will be warm again  and I can sit outside all day.  That would be nice.

I think my pills are kicking in and I am sure that none of this crap make any sense anyway.

















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