Ruffled Panties

Last night, W says he will be out of town tonight, coming back on Friday.  This morning when he woke me to tell me bye, he said he wasnt staying and would be home.  Then he called later and said he was staying.

I spent the day with doctors and trying to attempt to fix things with his identity, which was just stolen.  I do not like psychologists.  And this new guy is one I really don't like.  He calls me sweetie and puts his hand on my back or shoulders.  Tells me that he definitely doesn't recommend cannabis as part of my treatment.  I opened the lunch box full of prescription medication and asked if all those, which now required more drugs to counteract their side effects, was a better.  He stood by his conviction.  I think I may go spend the next 5 months in Denver. I felt angry all day.  I was surrounded by morons and punching them in the face is apparently frowned upon.  It was after 4 by the time I got back home.

That is when he called and said he wouldnt be back until tomorrow.  I had a protein shake and watched a few movies with M.  Then I thought I would just go to bed, but its not even 9pm. When I was getting ready for bed I pulled out a pair of black n white ruffled panties that I had gotten when I was taking burlesque classes.  I decided to wear them to bed with a soft, slightly warn black T.  He wouldnt notice even if he was here. 

I need to go back to dressing and doing everything for me.  If he notices then great, if not............well then nothing has changed and it has been this way longer than it ever was different.  The shrink did tell me not to make any life changing decisions while on these meds.  Thing like filing for divorce and booking a one way ticket out of the country are not wise.

Why cant life be as simple as a pair of ruffled panties.  Cute but still sexy enough to get a man's attention.  Soft to the touch, textured just enough to keep them from feeling 'everything' through the fabric.  I am a 38 year old, previous model who wants a life that is as simple as a pair of ruffled panties.

I don't know if I should laugh or cry.  But that's just the drugs talking.