Intimacy Issues

GOOD GOD, I MISS SEX!
A year ago I started keeping track of when we had sex.  I did this because I felt as if I was constantly telling him that it had been "months" since the last time he had touched me.  But the truth is, I tend to exaggerate when I'm attempting to get a point across.  This way, I could tell him, "Hey!  It's been 95 days, 4 hours and 36 seconds.....wtf?"  Maybe with less exclamations and profanity.  You get the point.
So my birthday was in Oct and though I had really hoped he would ravage my body like they always do in those house-wife-porn novels, it was not to be.  But a few days later, he did.   And it was amazing and all was right with the universe.
November came and went and nothing.  I have learned not to ask because after 7 years of this......rejection is difficult for me to take.  Our anniversary was December 22nd and I had really hoped that he would want to then.  At dinner he was unusually quiet and when I inquired if there was something wrong, he said he had stomach ache. Again, I didn't ask.  Figured his stomach ache was an excuse just in case I thought about asking.  New Years Eve was the same thing, only this time I did ask and though it wasn't an out right rejection, the result was the same.
So today I decide to go back and find out just how many times we had sex last year.

Nine times.

Neun

Nove

Nueve

That is 356 days without.  356 day of feeling rejected (another exaggeration), I am sure I only felt truly rejected for 300 of those days.

I know I should be grateful that I have him at all.  I know there are many who would give anything to have 9 minutes with their lost spouses, let alone nine days.  And I am grateful.  I do love him.  But it is difficult to have him but not have him.  To never truly feel as though I am what he wants.  To not feel wanted.  To not feel desired.  And at times, not feel loved.