I have cut out the anti psychotics. It has helped with the crazy dreams. They are getting ready to up the dosage on the shots. Even though they told me there was no evidence of the crap in my system, now they are saying it is there only minute. Could have to go back to the anti psychotics if the increased dosage of the shot makes me want to to punch babies. I am hoping not.
I have been pulling away from W. My counselor made me promise that I would refrain from making any major decision regarding my marriage for the next 3-6 months; when I am finished with treatment and the meds are out of my system. I am trying to honor that but there is a part of me that feels I have already made the decision..............how does one unmake a decision like that?
I have noticed he has been trying a little more than usual to make things ok. It is very little and I cant say that I react to it at all. He is gone 3 days a week now for work and I know this sounds bad, but I like when he is gone. I no longer wonder what (or who) he may be doing. I dont get upset if he doesnt call or text.
He makes me feel like a fish. I could be throwing myself into his fucking boat and he would look at me in discussed as he threw me back. But when I am hopeless and begin to feel the apathy he so prominately displays, then Im some prize to have on his mantel.
Well fuck this game, Im not biting this time. If he wants me............it will take some grand gesture of love.............and not only am I quite sure he is incapable of this, I think it is just too late for me to give a shit.
Who tells their wife to not only never ask for sex, but not even to bring it up??!?!?! That was 6 months ago and I have complied with his wishes. But I did not get married so I could have a roommate.
How are you? thinking of you
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