Sometimes I refrain from writing because things are good..........others, well..........I prefer not to be negative all the time. Last weekend was good. This weekend has been shitty. I can feel him trying but its......... it feels less than genuine. There were times before when I was impressed by the things he did, going so far out of his way..........only to find out later what he was really doing.
I feel like that today.
Today..........today, I feel hopeless. I feel that I am never going to be what he wants. I will never be the ones he really loves. Today, I feel my world crashing in. Today hurts.
And as the tears slowly descend my cheeks, hopelessness devours what is left of my heart.
I have doubled my antidepressants and today I have taken 3 anti-anxiety pills. I cannot imagine how much worse this would be if I had to face it without anything.
Today is a "feel sorry for my self day".
Not a proud moment.
Maybe I will be better tomorrow.
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