She comes down later and is almost in tears. She has all this paper work and thinks she missed paying a bunch of bills. I have to get her to calm down (and no, I am not proud of telling her to "get that fucking look off your face"). Long standing rule, no F bombs in front of grandma. This morning I gave her 1/2 of my anti anxiety pill. It really seemed to help. So I sorted through all the crap on her desk, only 2 pieces were important. The rest was junk mail.
I made her repeat a bunch of stuff after me about not crying over stupid shit that doesn't matter. After several attempts, she got it. I forbade her from getting back into the paperwork, gave her the other 1/2 of the anti anxiety pill and go to bed. Most importantly she knows I love her.
I told M she was going, she promptly dug out her attendance rules for school. So now I have to go up to her school and have a chat about how important this trip is and pray they are willing to make an exception. That will be fun.
I haven't told W yet. It just doesn't seems important................I could just leave and I cant see it making any kind of impact on him. He may call me selfish or get all excited and tell me what a great idea it is and how excited he is for me. Neither is a good response. At this point, I don't even know what I want from him.
No.............that's not true at all. I want him to make me feel wanted. Desired.
But since that isn't going to happen anytime soon..........I look forward to the feeling of warm sand between my toes. The warm sun on my legs (lets face it, I'm too old to be worshiping the sun).
Drink non-alcoholic umbrella drinks and instituting the No Plan Plan. We will get up when we want and do what we want. It will be amazing.
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