01 September 2012

Barely Broken

I only took one psych class, but it doesn't sound much like an official diagnosis.
It does however, sound more promising than either of us had hoped for.
The counselor said he had never met a couple as civil as we are.  We are 90/10; 90% good & 10% messed up.  Not that that 10% isn't very important, but couples where we are do not usually seek help or mention the D word.

When the 10% is a lack of an emotional connection, then there are days when it feels like 90% . We have another apt next week.

We went for dinner afterwards to talk.  I am not to ask him for sex anymore because I make him feel "obligated".  I know this sound horrible, but I have to tell you that getting him to talk to me about this shit is so rare, I feel it is progress.  Not that it did't hurt, it did.  It still does.  He did tell me that I am beautiful and very sexy; he just doesn't see me that way.

Is that like "I love you but I am not in love with you."?

"You are desirable, I just don't find you desirable."

Very similar............

He left for vacation a week ago Friday.  I have spoken to him twice during that time and both were very short conversations.  He has text me about as often.  And I know I told him not to worry about calling me every night to check in, but a little more communication would be nice.

This past Wednesday, I took the girls on a 6 hour road trip to visit a friend.  The trip has been fun and we are on the "no plan" plan so it has been very laid bad.  

There have been down times when I want to text or call him to tell him I  miss him.  But I don't.  I tell myself if he really cared or thought about me, he would be calling or texting me.  I would just be bothering him.

He flies home today and we won't be back until tomorrow afternoon.  I wish he missed me.  I wish he had wanted me to go with him.  But I cannot make him feel anything and he appears content to remain that way.

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