In The Here And Now

I completed my treatments last June and was made to return to work 11 days later.  Was not happy about that; not sure my boss was happy about having back an emaciated, barely functioning version of the person I had been.  But I slowly improved, got stronger, gained back the weight (this part was unfortunate).
I was declared "in remission".

In Dec. I returned to have a series of labs to determine if I would have to repeat the treatments.  I mentally tried to prepare myself; finally deciding that worst case scenario, I got another 6 month vacation.  I was cured, with a less than 1% chance that it would ever come back.  Wonderful news!  Only then I realized I had to stay at work.

What else......

So my son-in-law completed his training for the Marine Corp and was stationed in Cali.  My daughter moved out there last Nov.  I miss her terribly.

My youngest is now a crazy teenager.  She started cutting, stopped cutting, got her hair cut and decided that gender means nothing (this is Teenagese for I have a girlfriend).  Of course we are very supportive of her, we did have to explain that because she could not pick a side, sleep overs were now out of the question.  These are definitely the fun years.  But in all reality, with what she has been through...........this is nothing.  She is still a straight A student and at least we don't have to worry about boys.

W is traveling a lot for work.  When he is home, we get along very well.  There is so much politeness that we are beginning to sound like Sesame Street characters.  Its nice but weird.  I have no real complaints about him.  We have even had sex a few times.....of course he was pretty trashed and probably thought I was someone else.......or just forgot he wasn't attracted to me but whatever.  He texts or calls me when he is out of town and if he doesn't, well, that's ok too. I think removing the expectations has also removed the jealousy.....or at least it removed mine.
I'm not saying that it wouldn't hurt if he came home and said he was leaving me.  But at least I know now that it would not kill me.  I am stronger than I was a year ago.  Stronger than I have been in a very, very long time.

I do not know what the future holds; not for me, not for us.  But for now, I will be grateful for all I have.