We all went to see Friday Night Fights last night. I went with our oldest daughter and a few girls from her work. W found out and decided he really wanted to go, so he bought tickets and took our son in law and his friend.
I was a lot of fun. Our seats were no where near one another but we drove together and met up after the fights. W had been drinking. He always drinks so it takes a lot for me to notice when he has had too much. Last night he had just a little too much.
When we met up, he took me by the hand and we walked to the vehicle. On the ride home, he held my hand, kissed me repeatedly and nuzzled my neck. I cannot recall that last time I had butterflies like that.
But when we got home he went to straight to bed. I wasnt going to allow it to ruin my excitement about how he had touched me. I reminded myself he worked all day and had been drinking. It was a great night.
This morning when he awoke, as asked him to hold me. I am feeling exceptionally shitty today. My joints, hand, feet and even skin hurt. He initially said yes but then jumped out of bed and started getting dressed.
"So I take that as a NO."
No response.
"So am I not allowed to ask for that either. One more thing I'm not allowed to bring up?"
He said he was having difficulty even talking.
And since he left the room immediately after that, I have no idea what the fuck that means.
This is not the first time I have asked him to hold me and been rejected. With the exception of about an hour last night, we are moving in reverse. He continues to push me away. Is there someone else again? Was she ever out of the picture?
I should never have to ask these questions.
Why dont I leave?
Im scared. He knows me better than anyone. He is my best friend...............he just stopped being my husband a long time ago.
As the tears begin to fall, I dont know why I even bother giving a shit. He does not appear to.
I am taking so many drugs and there are simply no enough to make me stop feeling.
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