I Hope He Doesn't Notice

The TV is loud, but I can hear his voice over the dialog on the screen.  I feel annoyed, he is supposed to be watching this with me............not outside smoking and talking on his phone.  He already said that he has to stay up late and work afterwards........... and go out of town tomorrow.  Annoyance is turning into "pissed off".  I pause the movie and get up.

I try unsuccessfully to quietly open the back door.  It sticks and I pull too hard to get it open.  Instead of slowing opening, the door pops open and clips my big toe.
"Fuck!"  But my outburst is barely audible over the sound of the door.
He turns and looks up from his phone, which he holds as if he is texting or playing a game.
I take a deep breath and remind myself that I do not care what he is doing.
"Who were you talking to?"  I try to sound casual.
It is dark and I can see only the outline of his face from the light of his cell phone screen.
"I'm not talking to anyone."
I do not believe him.
"Oh.  Thought I heard you."
He takes a drag off his cigarette.
"Would you like to see my phone log?"
He exhales his answer and offers his phone in my direction.
"Nope."
"Are you sure."
I laugh it off as completely unnecessary.
"You almost done?"
I do not let him finish talking before I have shut the door.

As I sit back on the couch, I tell myself again, I do not care.  It doesn't matter.
I start the movie back up and take a deep breath.
The back door opens and he comes back inside.  I do not look his way.
He crosses the room and sits next to me.  I do not look at him but pretend to be focused on the TV.  Inside my head, I am trying to convince myself that it DOES NOT MATTER.
He pauses the movie.
"Was M watching something upstairs?"
I look at him trying to comprehend where he is going with this.
"I don't think so."
"I was just thinking, maybe you heard her watching something on her laptop."
"I don't know.  Maybe."
The TV remains paused and I stare at it hoping that he will just drop it and hit play.
The seconds stretch to minutes and neither of us speak.
Finally, I give in.
"Are we waiting for something?"
"I just wanted to see if I could hear something too."
I do not respond.
"What did you hear me say?"
"If you weren't on the phone, I didn't hear you say anything.  Must have been something else."
To my relief, he finally drops it and hits play.

Afterwards, I get up and get ready for bed as he heads back outside to smoke.  Even though every fiber of my being screams "fuck him!", I head outside to kiss him and tell him good night.
"I'm going to bed too."
"You don't have to work?"
"I can do it tomorrow.  But I did get tickets for the play off game, so instead of coming back tomorrow, we (him and his boss) will stay and catch the game."
I do not respond.
"But we will come back Friday morning."
He his happy and genuinely excited about being offered these tickets which are extremely expensive.
"That will be cool"
The words are hallow but I hope he doesn't notice.

Two sessions into this Not Alone shit and I feel very much alone.