Old Friends

During his first deployment, I was introduced to the Gunny's wife.  She was the KVC for our unit.  She became my rock.  She taught me everything there was to know about Family Readiness and every drill weekend, I drove 3 hours to her home and spent the weekend with her........ drinking and crying.  Her husband was deployed at the same time, though to a different country.  She did such a great job training me, the CO requested I take over when her husband later accepted an assignment in Germany for a year.

Our husbands' second deployments were a year a part and it was more difficult to really be there for one another.  I have not seen her since the day before my husband returned from his last deployment.  That was 3 years ago. A lot has happened since then........... I can not tell you how much I have missed her............ and needed her.  She is training for her job in a city much closer (only 1.5 hours from me).  I am driving down to see her tomorrow night, returning on Saturday morning.  I am so excited to see her......... but weary.

I am not the same person I was 3 years ago.  I do not want to just cry at her the entire time, but those tears are long over due.  And I hate crying.  Makes me feel weak.  I saw this kleenex commercial once, where they said "tears do not compromise my strength."  Good in theory, but they always make me feel vulnerable and that makes me feel weak.  There is even a part of me that is trying to invent reasons not to go.

I respect her.  I think she has always respected me.  I do not want that to change.   We have never spoken about changes in our spouses.  She does not know about his PTSD and TBI.  And because she has never said anything about her husband............. it is easy to assume he is fine.  Which is ridiculous...mine is anything but fine and I haven't told her.

Guess we will see........... if I make it down.   God, please grant me the strength to do this.