11 September 2001

It was early in the morning, so early it was still dark outside.  I lay on the couch watching TV when he came out to the living room with his bags packed.

"Have you had much sleep?" he asked looking down at the little girl in my arms.  Her face was flushed with fever but her eyes were closed.
"Some.  She was up several times so I stayed out here.  She hasn't been asleep for long."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"I will miss you but I will be back in a few days."

He was headed to Vegas for a manufacturers convention.  It was something, as a young engineering contractor for Hallmark, he had fought long and hard to be a part of.

He kissed me again, this time on the lips.

"I love you.  I will call you when my flight lands."

He picked up his bags and headed down the stairs to the front door.

"I love you," I whispered, so not to wake her.

The house was silent. The door didn't open.  After a few moments, I heard his soft foot steps slowly ascend the stairs.  I turned to look at him.

"I can't go.  Not while she is still so sick."

I started to object but interrupted me.

"You haven't slept in days.  Let me take her, you go to bed; get some sleep.  I will wake you when its time to drive S to school."

He took her from arms before I could object.

Later, as I drove our 10 year old to school; we chatted about what she would be doing at school that day.  I did not have the radio on.  After I kissed her goodbye and told her to have a great day, I headed back home.  I was still so exhausted.  The quiet was inviting to the sleep I needed so badly.
I rolled window down and allowed the cool morning air to blow on my face.  Then I switched on the radio..................................

I kept picturing a small single engine plane, some poor pilot who miscalculated or was drinking.  It had to have been an accident.  A horrible accident.

As soon as I arrived back home, I raced up the stairs and turned on the tv.  He was asleep on the couch.  The baby was in her crib, sleeping.  I didn't have to search for the news, it was on every channel.


"You have to see this!  It was all over the radio." 

He sat up, immediately drawn into the footage.  I backed away from the tv and sat next to him.  As we both tried to grasp what had happened, the second plane struck tower two.

"That was definitely not a small plane."

I reached for his hand and squeezed it tight.  As the President grounded all flights, I realized just how much worse things would have been had he gotten on his flight to Vegas.  I looked over at him, pulling my eyes away from the horror on the screen.

"Thank you for not going."

He returned the squeeze.

I had to call into work so I could take the baby to the doctor.  I worked for a Persian family who owned a retail store.  When I called my boss, he was also watching the  news.  They had just begun to report on the plane that had struck the Pentagon.

"They have to stop.  They have to stop or things are going to get out of control."  The panic in his voice was obvious.  And I knew what he meant.  His family was not Arabic, but they were Muslim and he was worried that would make them and their business a target.

We sat and watched the footage unfold for the remainder of the day.  I do not recall ever taking the baby to doctor's.  I know I cried several times that day.  I kept thinking about all the people trapped, all their families not knowing where their loved ones were.  Thinking about all the firemen and policemen risking their lives.......... so many sacrifices, so much loss.  I was reminded of the Oklahoma City bombing.  I remembered thinking that bombing had to have been done by some crazed anti government SOB.  But an American.  I did not think that about this attack.

When S came home from school, she said they had done nothing but watch the news all day.  She said her teachers had cried and some of the students too.  But she wasn't entirely sure what was happening.  We both spoke with her and tried to answer questions but it was a lot for a 10 year old to take in.

I knew things would change after that day; but I had no idea just how my world would be directly effected.

August 2004
I dropped my husband off at the hotel.  The girls and I stood facing him as we tried to find the words to say goodbye.  The following day, he would be headed to San Diego MCRD for boot camp.