Books

I read a lot.  Before my husband's second deployment, he suggested a read McCoy's Marines to help me understand all the things he can't bring himself to talk about.  After that, I began to acquire more and more books about the Afghanistan and Iraq Wars.  Then I saw the HBO series, The Pacific.  Soon I was searching Amazon for books written by E.B. Sledge (Sledgehammer) and Robert Leckie (Lucky); books about WWII POW's (Louis Zamperini), Medal of Honor recipients (John Basilone) and a Marine who was so crazy about fighting for his country, he lied about his age and joined at 14 (Jack Lucas). 

Shortly after starting my latest job, found it was a good use of my time to get audio books to help make my 600 mile per week commute a little more tolerable.  I love them.  There are some days I cannot wait to leave for work, just so I can listen to my book for an hour.  So I can escape into someone else's world.

Right now I am reading When the War is Over... A New One Begins at home, With the Old Breed when I'm not busy at work and The Help while commuting between the two. 

But no matter what I read and the insight I might gain..... It will not help me to understand what my husband it going through.  Those books will not improve my marriage or make me feel appreciated..... or even loved.  I wish there was a book for all of that.... or a pill.   Something.

For now they are just books and like drugs or alcohol......... I will use them to break away from the pain I have at home.  And yet I know, I'm lucky.  At least I still have my husband.  I am lucky.

I do love him.  It's just been so long since I felt that love returned.