I'm trying to work this consultant thing..........selling stuff. It is difficult because, well lets face it............I hate people. Add to that, I have so thoroughly typecast home-based consultants, that I fear becoming the middle aged (which I am, almost), minivan driving (so NEVER going to happen), overweight (not the best shape but not a fatty) Jiffy Peanut Butter pushing, picket fence owning, superficial bitch. Too much?
I love what I do, I just struggle with my own stereotype. Stupid, I know. But to go from field agent candidate for a government agency to peddling kitchen wares, well..........it is a struggle not to allow it to kick your ego in the proverbial balls.
So my loving, supportive husband tells me that............well he said that I was doing it all wrong and just told me to stop. Another kick to the balls. Why? I beat myself up enough for both of us and maybe even a few others. So I wonder if I had more confidence about it, he would be more supportive. There are always two sides. And I can hear some friends, "Are you fucking serious? He should support you on everything! Why do you tolerate this?" And others, "He's a Marine, he wants you to be all in or don't bother. If you are not going to give this venture your all, quit!"
I get it. Meanwhile, my life revolves around supporting him...........making him feel loved....... supported.........asking about his day............giving a shit..........blah, blah, blah. And I can do without his support most days..........I am used it and try not to take it personally. But when things are the most difficult, that is when I need it the most. Even when it's something as stupid as........... as stupid as a home based business that I can't even put my hole heart into.
And I thought writing would make me feel better.
Reality check.
No comments:
Post a Comment